Chile Con Queso.......CHEETOS??!!!

Saturday, January 2, 2004

Jason and I are 6 weeks new to San Antonio and decide to spend the holidays  getting acquainted with our new city.  Numerous suggestions were made in terms of site seeing.  A particular road trip sounded appealing.  

We were heading Southwest to the town of Laredo, Texas and crossing the border into Mexico! 

An afternoon outside enjoying authentic food and perusing the local markets coupled with a relaxing 2 hour drive was an ideal way to spend our last Saturday of the holiday week.

80 degrees and sunny as we headed out of town.  We still weren't used to temperatures like this and mentally acted like we were on vacation well into our first year in The Lone Star State.

I felt like I belonged that afternoon, cruising the open road in my enormous Texas SUV.  I was so proud of her---she could rival any Expedition out there.  Gigantic, smelling of new leather and windows all tinted.

 

The white Ford Escape fit right in! 

She wasn't my first choice, you see.  7 days earlier we had buried my first love.  The little black Pontiac Sunfire that saw me through college.  I intended to drive her into the ground.

Until I drove her into a wall.  

The tinted windows were a hard sell at the dealership.  We just couldn't get past the use of such accessories in Chicago.  They were for the low rides.  The cars that pull up next to you at a stop light and you find yourself gyrating to the bass.   Not by choice.  You don't even need to glance over to know that this automobile is outfitted in the fanciest of rims and of course, has glowing lights enveloping its exterior.

We were convinced that the tinting would be welcome during a San Antonio summer and were encouraged to look out at the road where yes, every single window was tinted.

I suppose this was the beginning of our acclimation.

Approaching border security we were surprised that we barely needed to brake leaving our homeland and entering a foreign country.

I put my passport back in my wallet and had just enough time to share a friendly wave with the attendant.

That was too easy.

As we left the land of Red, White and Blue I glanced to my left.  A trail of Ford F150's mixed with just a few other makes of cars was backed up beyond any line of sight.

"Jason, before we dine on some local delicacies can we head over here and see what's going on."

I silently feared this was the security line to cross the border back into my beloved land.

The 4 mile drive to the tail end was pure entertainment.  Trucks packed to the brim with families, belongings pouring out of windows.....bicycles, scooters, even furniture!  Out houses strategically placed every couple of blocks and children peddling food and drink and yes, cans of gasoline.  Various musical artists could be heard as you passed each car.

We settled at the end of the line.  No need to rush, the cars were turned off.  I got out, stretched and approached a tired looking gentleman.

With a gentle tap on his window and a warm smile I said,  "Excuse me, sir.  By any chance is this the line to get back into the United States of America."

I was greeted with a knowing look.  "Yes, are you coming from your holiday in Monterrey?"

"NO.  I just moved to Texas and was told to cross the border and enjoy some local food and festivity."

"Oh....I'm sorry.  You've picked the wrong day.  The Saturday after New Year's families go back to the United States after visiting Mexico for Christmas.  It will take about 12 hours to get to Border Security."

I eat every 2 hours.  I was hungry.  We had nothing to eat.  I was getting lightheaded and cranky.  I was thirsty.  We had no bottled water and limited gas.  No cell phone service.

The Golden Arches loomed invitingly just over a field to our right.  All day long.  How we longed for our familiar nation and yes, even McDonald's.

Local children sold cups of water, snacks and gasoline to us, the squatters.   They warned of temperatures reaching into the high 90's by afternoon.

Marketing Genius.

Don't people know that you use less gas if you idle, rather than turn your car and air conditioning on and off every 3 minutes to move 1/4 of a block?

We spent the day laughing, sharing stories, making up stories and admiring all the unique and extravagant Christmas gifts the F150's were bringing home.  We took turns walking up to Border Security and watching as they unloaded every last item in each vehicle. 

By 9:15 p.m.  we were incredibly starving and more importantly thirsty.  After a drawn out conversation  on Montezuma's revenge I had Jason convinced that spending the next 6 weeks on the toilet just wasn't worth it.  Michelle's lavatory imprisonment after our trip to Cancun was too fresh in my mind.

That didn't mean we couldn't eat.  

I rolled down my window and motioned to a gentle looking boy.  He quickly approached and said, $2 American for Cheetos snack.

Democracy at its finest.  

Would it have mattered if the bag was $10?  And, did I mention he was selling us a trial size?  

We graciously thanked him and tore in.  The moonlight failed me.  I  didn't notice that our Cheetos were red.   I ate a handful of Chile Con Queso Cheetos.   

Did I mention we did not have water.

We arrived at Border Security after 10 hours and 34 minutes.

There was nothing in our car to explore, just after midnight we were home......

Deep in the heart of Texas.